Have you seen my marbles?

Ok. *Deep breath.* -Sigh-

Looking around.

{silence}

FINALLY.

Nevaeh is up stairs "cleaning" her room (aka, making a mess), Aidan is taking a shower (aka, painting the bathroom with his soapy loofa), and Liam is actually sleeping (believe it or not!). So, I finally have a minute to update. Looking back over the past couple of months I realize that some days, I think I may have lost my mind trying to tackle this endeavor. In that moment, I feel like I am doing my children a disservice by being the sole person responsible for their education, and I just need to give up. Thank goodness I have no other option right now. But, honestly, in that moment, my 'no other option' sort of makes me feel claustrophobic. Especially on those days when my "collicy" baby can't seem to find peace, my toddler's life starts to reflect a scene from Final Destination, and I have a work load up to my ears. School seems impossible on those days (or weeks).

Time has been hard to find. For school, for work, for chores, for anything. Some days, its a struggle just to get our basic needs met. 

I was in the middle of one of those weeks this past week. I was cleaning Aidan's poop off the floor (thanks to potty training), while holding a crying baby, when I heard a sweet voice softly from the corner of the room. It was Nevaeh. She was reading to herself. It was such a beautiful moment in the midst of my crazy week.

Normally I would not think anything of this. She's great at picking up a book and making up words to go along with the pictures and while her story is usually really good, she is not reading the words printed on the page. But this time was different. She was going through the book and reading as much as she could and sounding out words that she didn't know (which is the cutest sound ever).

Those moments give me courage. Those moments help bring me back to the earth and restore my sanity.

This may not be one of those blogs where there is an inspiring message to get to. It's just real. Home schooling can be hard some times. And I am in the middle of those times right now. But I knew this would be hard, so I'm not too surprised. I'm trying to loosen up my expectations a little bit and let go of my worries. I am coming to learn, that in all reality, I am not solely responsible for the things my children learn. Because they are constantly learning from everything around them. So, I am responsible for putting them in a thriving environment and give them as many learning opportunities as possible. It takes a lot of pressure off of me during these early learning years.

I am trying to relax and take more time to enjoy this time when my children are small. Nevaeh is learning. She is not just learning, but it seems like she is ahead of where she should be (she'd be in Kindergarten if she were in public school and she is doing most things at a first grade level). So I am trying to take out more time to just snuggle up with a good book, or just snuggle at all. Or lay out in the grass in our yard and stair at the sky while airplanes and clouds go by.  Those moments are part of why I home school, so I am trying to let those moments happen more.

Sparks into flames

My lack of energy has slowed down our schooling a lot, but Nevy seems to be pressing on. I think I may have accidentally bribed her to learn how to read. And I’m OK with that. She has been talking about going to school with the big kids and sitting in a classroom and all that jazz. So, I thought it might be time to sign up with the homeschool group that we have been visiting, and get her involved in the group’s classes. So, I told Nevy that she could take a class in the fall if she learned how to read over the summer. Well, we have been working on reading the Progressive Phonics books (along with her “fun” books), and her phonics skills had yet to develop, till she had some motivation. The day before yesterday, she sounded out words on her own for the first time. And my cup overflows! I had to keep myself from jumping out of my skin to celebrate! She is so proud of herself too.

So, we took a trip to the library this week and celebrated by getting a fun detective book (Nate the Great) and a book about our solar system (The Solar System, A TRUE Book) because she loves outer space. And Aidan finally picked out his first library book. We got information about the summer reading program, and started getting pumped about all of the stories that she is going to be able to read and fun activities going on at the library this summer. It makes me tired just thinking about it!

While I went to my midwife appointment yesterday, a friend of the family (Sunita) came to play with Nevaeh. They went to the park adjacent to our new church building and she made fast friends with a boy there and invited him to church. She got a little bit frustrated while learning the rules to “Red light Green light” but Sunita said that she seemed to overcome this easily enough after a little pep talk. Sunita also beamed about the ray of sunshine Nevy was for a couple of other children, when she bent down to tie her new friend’s shoe for him, and when she was playing and singing songs about Jesus with no shame at all.

Aidan and I were able to have a good time at my midwife appointment. It was nice to have some one on one time with him. He seemed to really enjoy it too. He babbled and babbled and just had a fun time playing and flirting with everyone. He really enjoyed being able to walk and hold my hand instead of riding in the stroller (that’s what I normally do when Nev is with us). He is becoming such a big boy! And he’s such a good big boy at that!

Sometimes I worry about the choices I have made (I suppose like every parent). I worry about Nevy resenting me for not allowing her to attend public school for various reasons. I also worry about my teaching skills and often wonder if she is missing out on anything because of the type of education that I am giving her. We can’t afford fancy curricula, and so most of the material that I present is patch worked together by myself. But then my worries are calmed when I get the feedback on days like yesterday. It really meant a lot to hear the stories from just a simple visit to the playground. Hearing those stories seemed to calm the worries that I tend to dwell on too often by showing me how Nevy is benefiting from school at home. And the moment she realized that she could read was monumental. She gained a new confidence in herself, and I gained a new confidence in myself. I realized at this moment that we CAN do this. This homeschool thing may work out after all. And sharing moments like that with her make it all worth it.