Santa: A Myth?

I usually post these types of things as facebook status updates. But a comment from a friend reminded me that I have a blog. Ha. And my blog will allow me to elaborate on things. So, I am going to try to venture over here to post these.

Nevaeh is doing a lot of investigation this year into the whole "Is Santa Clause real?" dilemma. I've been very careful to this point in how I answer her questions so far and I let her imagination take over. Usually our conversations sound like this:

Nev: "Mom, is Santa real?"
Me: "What do you think?"
up until this year, this was enough. She would always say, "I think he is real." And that would be the end.

Nope. Not this year.

This year has been different. My previous methods of deferring this conversation just aren't working any more. You see, I have this weird thing about lying to my kids. I just can't bring myself to do it. Even over things like Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Our family participates in the traditions and I value the aspects of the traditions that play on the kid's imaginations, but when it comes down to it, there is something deep inside me wants the kids to know the REAL story. I want my kids to focus on the REAL Christmas and not get caught up in the fantasy. I'm just conflicted on how to get them there. So I just carefully use my words to see what she does with them.

Here is our most recent conversation:

Nev: "Mom, is Santa real?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Nev: "I want to know what YOU think."
Me: Sigh. I pause because I have been dreading this moment for the past couple of years. "Well, you know the story of Saint Nicholas, right? The Santa Clause that you see in cartoons and stuff is the Americanized version of Saint Nick."
She processes that for a moment.
Nev: "But I know that Saint Nicholas is real. But he died and lives in heaven now. I'm talking about the Santa that comes down the chimney and brings us presents?!"
Me: I'm disappointed that she's still pressing for a straight up yes or no. Why does she have to be so smart!?! I think to myself, she's only 8. I don't want her to let go of the mystery just yet, but I want to have a grasp of the reality. So I say just that, "Nevaeh, don't you want to leave just a little bit of mystery. I've told you what I know. You know the history of Saint Nick. And you know what Saint Nicholas asked us to do? He asked us to be happy givers. So lets rememember that this Christmas and leave the rest to mystery and let's just enjoy the mystery this year."
Nevaeh thinks on that for a minute or so. The expression on her face looks critical, but you can also see a lightbulb go off. I feel like, for a moment, she got it without me having to say straight out, "Santa Clause is not real." Because I feel like, in a way, that is a lie too, and I feel like the idea is too complex for her to grasp this young. Or maybe I am not ready for her to grasp it.

She asked this every day last week. A couple of days passed by since she's brought it up,  and I thought I was in the free and clear. Today, I allowed her to pick out any movie she wanted on Netflix. She picked Santa Clause (that movie from 1985). And when it was finally over she ran into the living room shouting, "He's real! I knew it! Santa Clause is real!"

Ha. Well. At least I'm good for another year.

Liturgy and Motherhood

Routine routine routine. I wake up each day around 2am with a prayer, "Lord, help me." And I nurse my baby, change him, and put him back down to bed.

4 am, I awake again, "Lord, give me strength." We nurse again. He fights sleep. He's teething. "Lord, ease his pain."

6:30, I am awake for the day, "Lord, be present."

I change two diapers. I prepare breakfast and begin answering the multitude of questions from my 6 year old, while cleaning the dishes that somehow manage to jump out of the cabinets into my sink over night. My two older children manage to scarf down their breakfasts and start shouting from the table, "I'm full, I'm done!" Before I've even had a chance to sit down and get started on my bowl of Corn Flakes. I shovel as much food in my mouth as I can as fast as possible, then start clearing away more dishes and help with the kids.

 It's 8:00 am and they might watch cartoons for a bit while playing with toys in the living room. I try to get some paper work done and some chores: laundry (never stops), organizing toys, dusting, etc. Sometimes nothing gets done, because I might get sucked into the Facebook warp zone (Ahhhhh!).

9:00am: About this time every day, the kids start to blow a gaskit. I try for some structured play. We spend a few minutes coloring, playing a game, doing a puzzle or something like that while I nurse.

9:30 Change two diapers. Put baby down for a nap, and the two seconds that I am gone from the room, the other two fall to pieces. I come back, and pick up the pieces: Magically erase permanent marker from the floor (Where did they find that thing? I spent half and hour looking for that the other day!), and look for other damage. Spend a few minutes in the bathroom with Aidan talking about going potty.

10:00am Snack time. More dishes! Where did these things come from? Are these even ours?! I keep doing laundry and keep an ear out for the buzzer on our dryer.

11:15am Make lunch. Do more dishes, clean more of the kitchen, get baby up, and change two more diapers.

11:30  Eat lunch.

12:00 pm Nap time for Aidan and Liam. School time for Nevaeh.

This goes on till it is time for Dale to get home, when I finally set aside the chores for the next day to relax as a family. Sometimes I continue to quietly escape and do some laundry, and I slyly set up laundry date nights periodically with Dale. Thankfully, he doesn't mind.

People are always saying to me, "I don't know how you do it. It must be so hard to have 3 young children." Yeah, its kind of hard, depending on the day. The key to my success is my routine. Some of my friends have seen my routine posted on my fridge (I do this sometimes so that Dale can jump in at anytime to help without having to ask too many questions), and they feel sorry for me, as if it's sort of a drag. I guess it could be, but it depends on how you look at it. Did you know that there are people out there who do not have families who do this sort of thing on purpose? Yeah! They get up early and work all day, take moments here and there to pray, and even wake up at absurd hours of the night to pray. For Real. They are called Monks and Nuns. And. They. Do. This. On. Purpose.

Did you know that I did this on purpose? I know. Crazy, right? I wanted children. Even after I had my first child, and I knew how much work it took, I went and had a second and THIRD on purpose. Because I feel like I am called to motherhood, and while some people see my life as a drag, I feel the many blessings from this work. I admit, I wake up cussing a portion of the time when I am woken on the hour every hour to nurse some nights. But God is working on me. He calls me to prayer in those moments: when strength, sanity, and peace are hard to find. And from the start of my day to the finish, my work is never done just like the liturgy of the church. This is not a bad thing. This is a blessing. This is a reminder of a call to pray, and a call to look for the presence of God in my day. When I look around and see a clean house, I feel satisfaction and joy in the knowledge of the prayer that took place during those chores. And I find peace in the prayer that was needed for me to complete them (Because I have three children).

I am in a place now where I am looking for more. I am Anglican, and we participate in a liturgy bigger than a denomination. Every Sunday, we join in prayers with Christians around the world, and across time. I am doing my best to bring this through my week. I want to start incorporating the daily office into my routine so that my efforts can go a bit deeper, and a little bit outside of myself. So that I can take moments in prayer each day to step prayerfully outside the doors of my house to pray with and for God and His creation. Time is hard to find, but I think God has designed it so that my day should revolve around His. Because I have noticed in my prayer life how important routine is. Just like when my kids miss a nap or sleep in past their normal breakfast time, it throws the whole day off, and sometimes the whole week. I think we are all a little bit like children, and I am finding more and more value in the example the church has set in structuring our day.

The Right To Homeschool My Own Children

A common theme in my life that seems to come up over and over is the question of, Is homeschooling fundamentally right or if it is our right to be able to homeschool. First off, let me say, I have a hard time when this topic comes up from idealistic and childless young singles who are out of touch of many responsibilities that parenting often brings. They are parenting's biggest critics who happen to be the most out of touch of most of reality. To them, I'd like to say that parenting is hard. Most of us parents do our best, and believe it or not, we are humans. And humans make mistakes. Even at our best. And you really have no idea how difficult it can be until you have made the journey yourself. It just makes me cringe.

Anyhow, getting back on topic: the right to homeschool. I had to ask myself, Do I really have the "right?" What gives me the "right?" The first answer I gave myself was that God not only gives me the right, but He gives me the responsibility. Not only does the bible tell me that I am responsible for teaching my children, but it gives me the responsibility to teach them about God.

Secondly, my constitution reserves things like education to "the people." See the tenth amendment. If you think that the tenth amendment means that  it is reserved to the state, well then my state has a law protecting my decision regarding right to my children's education.

Ultimately, who is responsible for children? Who do the children belong to? The parents or the State? I believe that my children belong to me. They formed in my womb, which is part of my body. They are a part of me and  I am responsible for their education. I have decided that they deserve the best. They deserve one on one tutelage. They deserve an education without limits. They deserve an education that does not segregate their faith from their daily lives. They deserve to not have to compartmentalize their lives and have the opportunities to develop a firm foundation of education in science and religion in relation to one another and not one at the risk of the other. They deserve to be parented by their parents. They deserve the best.

Now, there are a few arguments against homeschooling on if it is fundamentally "right." There are a few issues that have been brought to my attention and probably every homeschool family has been asked about these things.Topics such as neglect, abuse, socialization, bad curriculum, and bad parenting come to mind.

I'd like to start addressing this by referring back to my question on who is responsible for my children? I trust the government to enforce regulations and policies regarding our safety as citizens and protecting our well being. In most cases, homeschooling does not interfere with most children's well-being. Even though I am ultimately responsible for my children, I will humor the points brought up by others.

The case against homeschooling on grounds for abuse:

               

 How many cases of abuse have been reported in homeschool? How many cases of murder, sexual assault, rape, or physical assault have been reported in public school? That's really all I have to say about that.

                 

When parents are negligent and do not send their children to school, this is not considered homeschool. This is abuse and it can be reported. My state also requires that we send in attendance forms to help highlight these cases so that child welfare authorities can step in and investigate. A lot of homeschool moms that I know grumble at these requirements, but I can see how they can be beneficial for this very reason.

On grounds of bad curriculum or poor education:

                 

In my state, public education does not solve this problem.  You also cannot deny homeschooling based on the worst case scenario, when the average homeschooler receives a better education than most of their public school peers. This is shown in standardized testing and other studies regarding homeschool education.

On grounds of social isolation:

                 

My children are some of the most confident social individuals that you will ever meet and they are far from isolated.  We are very active in our community, my oldest daughter participates in sports, we go as a family to participate in events with our homeschool group, and my daughter does most things in life that help her develop most social norms which would be implemented in a school setting: waiting in lines, waiting for her turn to speak in conversation, eating with a group, etc. Our day to day lives are pretty common for most homeschoolers that I know of. Homeschoolers tend to be pretty active socially. And I often think that there is too much emphasis anyhow on the social aspect of education. I would like to be the person responsible for teaching my children the priority of “social lives.” And while it is fun and necessary, it is not prioritized over my child’s educational needs. 

 Even though I have humored some of you out there in showing the positive aspects of homeschooling, I hold firm to the fact that my children's education is my responsibility and choice and my government's. Public school, private school, and home school each have their benefits and each have their draw backs. This blog is not to say if one is better than the other. I do know that homeschooling is not for everyone, but it is best for my family. Each circumstance is different. I am thankful daily for my opportunity and I am doing my best to make it worthwhile for my kids.

My First Post

I thought it was about time that I started a home school blog. I mean, I have a blog for just about everything, why not make one for the life of my family! I’m not always good at keeping up with this sort of stuff, but I am going to do my best. I have the time at the moment to write for this sort of stuff, but I am about to have my third baby, and I expect that will keep me busy on top of homeschooling, my baby carrier business, my doula business, and being a Children’s pastor. So, if you don’t hear from me for a while, I’m off somewhere doing WAY too many things. I love it!

I guess I could start out with why I homeschool. Honestly, I thought I would homeschool when I was younger but when it came time for my daughter to go to preschool, I must have forgotten that this is something I wanted to do. So, I started looking for preschools. Well, we had recently moved to the “hood” but it bordered a really awesome neighborhood in Atlanta. I was hoping that we’d somehow be able to get my daughter into one of the billions of awesome preschools nearby. No such luck. So after the trials and tribulations of looking for a good school to send my daughter to, we decided to educate her at home.  

I’m glad we started at her age, because it was easy. And FUN! I am glad things worked out the way they did, because the more I read, and the more thought that I put into it; the more I wanted to teach the kids at home. There are so many of our family values that are contradicted the way public (and many private) schools are run, and I really enjoy being the person responsible for my children’s education.

So far we have completed preschool and Kindergarten. Nevaeh (my daughter), has just started first grade material. But we are in no rush. She will be six at the end of September, so we do try to take lots of time between learning for fun adventures, leisure activities, lots of snuggles, and to give mom a break. This actually works out great, because Nevaeh tends to want to read a lot during her breaks and she spends a lot of time developing her own interests. So it’s working out.

But maybe I’m jumping ahead. I’ll tell you a bit about our family. My husband (Dale) is a priest in the Anglican church and I am the children’s pastor at the church. It’s a new church less than a year old in downtown Atlanta. We live in East Lake, just east of East Atlanta Village. We have two kids, and we are expecting another in the next 8- 10 weeks or so.  Nevaeh is 5, and Aidan is 16 months. Our parenting style is pretty traditional. Discipline is important in our household, and we enforce our rules with time outs, loss of privileges, and repeat offenses get the mega punishments. We also reward good behavior with lots of praise and the gaining of privileges. We try to parent as biblically as possible, and hope that our parenting style is helping to develop people with a strong foundation that reflect our family values. 

Our values center on our belief in Christ. As Christians, we try to take care of ourselves and the things around us. We do our best to teach our children to live minimalistic instead of being wasteful.  We try to teach them to be conservative in our spending and generous with our giving. As a result, some of the surface things that you might see in our life style is a lot of second/third/fourth hand items in our household. I also make as many things as I can by hand out of whatever I can get my hands on. Occasionally, we will make our own soaps, we make as much food from scratch as we can, and we try not to waste. I cloth diaper my kids, and try to teach the understanding of toilet use from an early age (also known as elimination communication). We hardly watch TV, so we do not have cable. It was polluting our lives and thought that it would be necessary to get rid of it. We try to be very active in our community as much as possible.  Hopefully my blog will reflect the lifestyle I have just outlined. If not anything else, it will be a good record of the goals set forth and things we have achieved over a period of time!

Anyhow instead of rambling, I’m going to end my first post and we’ll pick up the next time something interesting happens!