I haven't posted in a while. I've been dealing with many many parenting issues. I have actually been overwhelmed and drowning in these issues. Three days ago, I started really strategizing and journaling my way through these issues, and I thought I'd blog my results to share them with you all.
My first issue: both of my boys scream. They scream instead of talk whenever they are disgruntled about anything. When they scream, my mind goes to mush and I make illogical parenting decisions. We live in a small house and I usually just grasp desperately at things and give them to my children to try to shut them up as fast as possible so they do not disturb the peace of the others. Well, after one year, I have learned that pacifying my children with this, that, or the other does not work. I had to change my method of dealing with this. I have also learned that time outs and spankings do not work. Taking away toys does not work. These things might work in the moment, but do not have long-term lasting effects. These kids are still screaming. I need a long term solution.
So, what is going to work? I think I found it this morning.
I woke up. Immediately, my youngest hears me go to the bathroom for my first morning pee (I'm not fully awake yet), and starts screaming. "Man, there's no beating these guys to the punch," I think to myself. My mind is getting mushy before I'm fully awake. I go change his diaper and put him in the family room. He screams. I walk away. His screaming wakes up my 3 year old. So he comes out to the family room. Nevaeh, who is 7 starts pressing their angry buttons. Even more screaming ensues. My mind gets mushy. Then everyone decides they want breakfast. Lots of screaming for breakfast. I walk out of the room because I needed to regain some mental composure. Trying to overcome the mushy brain, I go to the living room to think.
So- I walk to the baby gate mounted at the family room. I stay as calm as humanly possible. I let them know that I do not know what their screaming means. That as soon as this room gets quiet and I hear everyone playing nicely, that breakfast will be ready. They will not be allowed to eat breakfast until the screaming stops. I walk away and I ignore the temper tantrum. Mostly from the boys- Nevaeh doesn't scream the way they do.
Guess what! It worked. Slowly, but surely, they quit arguing like monsters and quit screaming at me and started playing quietly with toys. So I hurried and made them some oatmeal and they came to the table to eat joyously.
Yay! That's what I need! We need more JOY in this house. I am determined to make this happen! More happy sounds and less mad sounds from these kids!
I know this is only one day. But I really needed to document this one small change, because this has been plaguing my life for one year now. I am pretty sure that anyone exposed to this much anger and screaming for 365 days straight (or more) would end up medicated some how. I'm just glad I've made it this far!
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Que! This is a wonderful post! So blessed to hear your attempt paid off with joyful kiddos. I know this is one of the hardest challenges, especially when it is a consistent problem that has been built on shoddy reactions. I am very easily angered when the boys fight/argue/bicker and it goes to show that my angered response will only feed more anger in their responses with me and one another. It takes so much strength and reliance on the Lord for me to parent with grace, compassion, patience and wisdom. Thank you for sharing this victory. Gives me hope for more joyful days to come--in our house and yours :)
ReplyDelete--Alisha