My generation is a generation that has learned most in life from books (and the internet of course). Even our parenting styles are learned in books. Yes, we inheret a large amount from our own parents and grandparents, but we are the information generation, always trying to improve. I see so many parents in generations x an y struggling to change the world. We are going green, we are growing gardens, we are canning, we are homeschooling, we are private schooling, we are are making clothes by hand, and the list goes on.
As I have gotten older, I see that each and every one of my friends are struggling trial by trial and how to parent our children. Some think they have it figured out until BOOM- major domestic catastrophe hits. Some parents will desperately try a dose of everything to get past a difficult time in parenting. While I see others desperately cling to their "parenting stereotype." I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about- the mother who sacrifices her marriage, her life, and even her well being in order to adhere to her version of some parenting fad. The other parents are double dipping into many different parenting trends losing sight of who their family is and confusing their children. Many parents are like swinging pendulums, moving briskly from one extreme to the other. But where should we be? Finely balanced and yet non-stagnant.
We need to remember that strict adherence to labels are not always in our children's best interest. Each situation may call for a different strategy, or even each child may call for a different parenting style. Our friends and our social groups need no explanation for the path you've chosen. As difficult as parenting is, only a child's parents know what is in their best interest, and we should take the time to make choices that we will feel confident about. I know that during times of insecurity, I need to take a time out and look at the big picture: How is my lifestyle affecting my child? How is my diet affecting my child? Then I start narrowing in: How is my daily routine? Is there an actual problem? And one thing I often remind myself that with many of the growing pains of motherhood come, they will usually gently fade away if I give guidance and attention every day.
Even though I am simply trudging along just like you, I thought I would give my best advice in helping other parents avoid parenting fads and extremes; and great ways to just help your family get by.
1. Know your family values. As a Christian family, our values play a big role in our parenting. Taking the time to map out how that looks in your life makes a big difference in your day to day dealings with people, including your children.
2. Communicate and act out your expectations with your children. How are your children supposed to know how to act unless you teach it to them. This includes not just teaching them, but modeling the behavior that you expect from them.
3. Have consistent follow through. Be a man or woman of your word. Don't give empty threats or false promises. If you display lack of follow through, your child will not trust your words and is even more inclined to test your limits.
4. Engage your children, especially the young ones. Most of the time if my children are misbehaving, it is because they are bored or unsupervised. Since I work from home, a great way for my kids to stop fighting and have an enjoyable morning, is to get out the craft supplies and have some craft time at the table while I answer emails. Teach them how to have fun together. Let them have some conflict-free time. It relieves stress for the whole family.
5. Have a quiet time every day. Every day after lunch, my family has quiet time. Even when your child has outgrown naps, have them learn to quietly play or read in their room for an hour or just lay down and rest for some time every day. This is a true sanity saver and a good opportunity to recoup and get yourself together if your whole morning was a flop.
7. Make choices keeping the whole family in mind. It's so easy to parent to the extent of exhausting yourself our your marriage. Spouses need to talk regularly about parenting. Decisions should not be made only for the well being of one person in the family unit, at the expense of another person in the family. This helps to avoid over indulging just one person in the family and allows everyone to live in a healthy manor and have each of their needs met. There will be times when someone has to sacrifice something for the wellbeing of another person, but make sure there is balance.
8. Have wisdom to know when to change your strategy. Understanding that things take time, be consistent to a point, but know when change might be necessary. You've waited for the season to pass, and almost a year has gone by, and you are still at square one: this might be a good time to re-strategize. When you do this, do not lose sight of your whole family and your values, but don't be afraid to go outside your box. It's OK to try something that might not fit your parenting label.
I'd also love to hear from other parents as well. How do you keep from falling into fads? Do you struggle with your parenting label, style, or stereotype? What helps give you and your family focus? How do you stay balanced?
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