Have you seen my marbles?

Ok. *Deep breath.* -Sigh-

Looking around.

{silence}

FINALLY.

Nevaeh is up stairs "cleaning" her room (aka, making a mess), Aidan is taking a shower (aka, painting the bathroom with his soapy loofa), and Liam is actually sleeping (believe it or not!). So, I finally have a minute to update. Looking back over the past couple of months I realize that some days, I think I may have lost my mind trying to tackle this endeavor. In that moment, I feel like I am doing my children a disservice by being the sole person responsible for their education, and I just need to give up. Thank goodness I have no other option right now. But, honestly, in that moment, my 'no other option' sort of makes me feel claustrophobic. Especially on those days when my "collicy" baby can't seem to find peace, my toddler's life starts to reflect a scene from Final Destination, and I have a work load up to my ears. School seems impossible on those days (or weeks).

Time has been hard to find. For school, for work, for chores, for anything. Some days, its a struggle just to get our basic needs met. 

I was in the middle of one of those weeks this past week. I was cleaning Aidan's poop off the floor (thanks to potty training), while holding a crying baby, when I heard a sweet voice softly from the corner of the room. It was Nevaeh. She was reading to herself. It was such a beautiful moment in the midst of my crazy week.

Normally I would not think anything of this. She's great at picking up a book and making up words to go along with the pictures and while her story is usually really good, she is not reading the words printed on the page. But this time was different. She was going through the book and reading as much as she could and sounding out words that she didn't know (which is the cutest sound ever).

Those moments give me courage. Those moments help bring me back to the earth and restore my sanity.

This may not be one of those blogs where there is an inspiring message to get to. It's just real. Home schooling can be hard some times. And I am in the middle of those times right now. But I knew this would be hard, so I'm not too surprised. I'm trying to loosen up my expectations a little bit and let go of my worries. I am coming to learn, that in all reality, I am not solely responsible for the things my children learn. Because they are constantly learning from everything around them. So, I am responsible for putting them in a thriving environment and give them as many learning opportunities as possible. It takes a lot of pressure off of me during these early learning years.

I am trying to relax and take more time to enjoy this time when my children are small. Nevaeh is learning. She is not just learning, but it seems like she is ahead of where she should be (she'd be in Kindergarten if she were in public school and she is doing most things at a first grade level). So I am trying to take out more time to just snuggle up with a good book, or just snuggle at all. Or lay out in the grass in our yard and stair at the sky while airplanes and clouds go by.  Those moments are part of why I home school, so I am trying to let those moments happen more.